I recently gave a talk at a large venue to nearly 1,000 people. It seemed to go well but who am I to judge? The experience of giving a speech is radically different from the experience of listening to one. An adrenaline-drenched emotional rollercoaster for a nervous speaker may nevertheless be unbearably tedious for the listeners. A superbly honed performance may produce a sense of suspense, surprise and delight for the audience; the result of many hours of rehearsal and repetition for the speaker. Yet it can be very hard indeed for the speaker to know what worked and what didn't.
　　自己演講與聽別人演講的感覺完全是兩碼事。一個緊張的演講者像打了腎上腺素般充滿激情的演講，對聽眾們來說或許無聊透頂。憑藉長時間的演練和一遍遍的重複，一場經過精心打磨的表演也許會讓觀眾覺得扣人心弦、驚喜連連。

　　Audience comments aren't much help, either. People are polite, and they know that giving a speech is difficult, so a handshake and a “well done” could mean anything from “you moved me to tears” to “you bored me to tears”. A speaker can float through talk after talk in a warm bath of gently encouraging remarks.
　　溫暖地沐浴在這種客氣的鼓勵中，演講者可能自覺飄飄然，一場接一場地講下去。

　　On this particular day, though, I was in for less of a warm bath, more of a bracing shower. The Geoffrey Boycott of personal financial advisers was in the audience - a tall Yorkshireman with lots of unvarnished opinions that he felt duty-bound to share with me in the lobby afterwards.
　　但在那天，我像是洗了個“冷水澡”。觀眾中有一位私人理財顧問Boycott，責無旁貸地在休息室裡與我分享他的真實想法。

　　“For a start, I kept wanting to offer you my tie. Next time, wear one. And your shoes - I notice things like that.” He gestured towards my evidently slightly-too-comfortable footwear.
” 　　他指了指我的鞋——顯然有點太“休閒”了。

　　“But that's not what I wanted to tell you,” he continued. I waited, a little bemused. “Your first slide, instead of just telling us that it was John Maynard Keynes, you could have asked, 'Does anyone know who this is? Anyone?” It just gets your audience a bit more involved. I teach public speaking, you see.”
　　“你講第一張幻燈片的時候，應該用提問的方式——這樣能稍微調動起觀眾的積極性。其實，我經常教別人演講。”

　　I nodded and thanked him for the suggestion but the flow of comments was relentless. “Don't get me wrong, I liked it. But then, what you could have done was...”
　　他的意見如潮水一般繼續源源不斷地湧來：“

　　As a piece of rhetorical advice, it was too much “public speaking for beginners” to take entirely seriously. But the conversation was an absolute masterclass in how to give feedback: arresting, friendly, frank - and above all specific. My self-appointed speaking coach had identified a set of particular points he wanted done differently, and listed them clearly, with reasons, examples and the occasional word of encouragement.
　　這些語言修辭方面的建議有點太“小兒科”了，沒必要太在意。但這次對話絕對是一堂教你如何給別人提意見的示範課。你提的意見要重點突出、友好而坦 誠，最關鍵的是還要具體。我自己請的演講教練在聽我演講時，會找出在他們看來應該換一種處理方式的幾個具體的地方，並把這些點清楚地列出來，輔之以理由、 示例，還不時加上幾句鼓勵。

　　Such feedback is standard in certain environments - Olympic coaches, editors on deadline and schoolteachers all provide focused constructive feedback if they're any good. But it is rare for criticism to be quite so practical: it's usually vague and verging on flattery or cruelty.
　　這種提意見方式在某些場合是標準做法。合格的奧運教練、掌握截稿時間的編輯、以及中小學老師，都能提出具體而富有建設性的意見。但人們提出的批評意見很少具備多少實操價值，通常都比較粗略，並且要麼流於恭維，要麼又過於苛刻。

　　An alternative is the “praise sandwich”, a thin but chewy sliver of specific feedback, squeezed between two thick, doughy slabs of praise. This seems like a common sense way to combine criticism with kindness but it is not always helpful. The economist Richard Thaler once posited the idea that we practise “hedonic editing” - lumping together good and bad news to make ourselves feel better. (An example: why fret that I lost my wallet, when my house gained thousands of pounds in value just this month?) Hedonic editing allows us to take the rough with the smooth; but that makes it a dangerous way to process critical comments. It helps us feel better but it doesn't help us perform better.
　　另一種選擇是做一份“表揚三明治”(praise sandwich)：用兩張厚厚的、綿軟的表揚，夾住一片薄薄的、但有嚼頭的具體意見。（例如我們會想：丟了錢包有什麼好 煩惱的？反正我家房子光這個月就漲了好幾千英鎊。）“糖衣式加工”允許我們借助樂事來承受苦事，但正因如此，這種方式也很危險。儘管它讓我們感覺更好受， 卻無法幫助我們取得更好的表現。

　　Yet there's no use blaming the critics for being too vague: they're vague because they know that specific criticism is not always welcome. I have taken to seeking out specific suggestions for improvement, when I can muster the courage.
　　不過——人們的意見之所以那麼粗略，是因為他們知道具體的批評並不總是受歡迎。為了提高自己，如今我總是尋求具體的建議，前提是我能鼓起足夠的勇氣。

　　It's draining to ask for such comments. It is also difficult to provide them: if you ask people to think hard about something you should have done differently, they will often be lost for words. But there are certain, glorious exceptions. If they don't buttonhole you in the lobby, they're worth seeking out.
　　當你請別人努力回想一下、有哪些事情你原本應該換一種方式來處理時，他們往往會說不出來，但讓人驚喜的例外肯定也是存在的。如果他們不把你堵在休息室裡聊個沒完，那麼你就應該主動討教。